I am finally home and had a little bit of
a longer doctors appointment today. I was supposed to have done the
glucose test via jelly beans but with the past few days of intense
throwing up and all the results would have been skewed either way.
I'm only upset because I wanted some damn jelly beans. *le sigh. They
ended up taking blood anyhow and I got a rhogam shot in the ass which
felt like peanut butter going in... nooo bueno. I was also told I
have an irritable uterus, which I kinda figured after my last few
trips to the L&D and was told I needed to up my potassium and
electrolyte intake to help combat the extreme cramping in my feet. I
can literally see my feet cramp and contort in pain when that happens
and it was nice to hear that he understands how severe that pain can
be since I feel like a total baby complaining about things like that.
Little Macy is doing great though, her
heartbeat was a strong 165 as usual and we set our c-section date for
January 13th, 2014! I am thrilled :D We also had a serious
discussion about the tubal I am wanting and I signed paperwork and
such so that I'll be able to have that taken care of right after my
section. I really feel confident that this is the very best decision
for myself and my family. I couldn't take care of two kids being as
sick as I always am and I truly just want to get healthy and be there
for THESE kids and for Jim, since they all deserve that so much.
My mood today has been pretty awful, I
think 90% of it is just self hatred, but for things I can't really
control. I have to remember that I can't control how I feel, how my
body reacts to certain things and that anyone who doesn't understand
why my life is as chaotic as it is right now never will. I am a
shitty friend right now, a crappy wife and I'm sure not the best
mother I could be. I hate myself for that but when it boils down to
it, I can't change till my health does. That makes my tubal much more
appealing than ever and knowing that once this crappy phase of my
life is over there will be no where to go but up is an amazing
feeling.
I guess that is all for now; my mind,
body and spirit are all equally exhausted and I need real rest. I
have a lot of delicious recipes and awesome craft posts in the works
for 'Says Chelsea' though, so hopefully at least my mind or body decides to get
it together so that I can share all that goodness with you soon :)
Take care and keep counting down, ONLY 55 MORE DAYS TILL MISS MACY
GETS HERE <3
