Random Pregnancy Vent of Sorts...

Pregnancy... Ah the miracle of life. I actually assume that I have a more realistic view of pregnancy than whatever bullshit you read about "glowing" and "shiny, faster growing hair," unless you mean the hair on your stomach and legs :/ I know that sometimes morning sickness can be all fucking day sickness and that it doesn't always end after the first trimester. I know that sometimes that energy you hear you're supposed to get back doesn't always find its way home. I know that sometimes even when you do every single thing right, that even when you follow the "What to Expect" book to the T, that the unimaginable can still happen, leaving you with empty arms and a broken heart. Maybe I'm a pessimist after losing my first daughter, but I feel like all that is or at least SHOULD be considered normal when growing a real life human being inside of your body.

Even with my pregnancy pessimism, I still thank God every single day for blessing me not one but three times. I am so lucky to have conceived naturally, to have held my children long enough to feel their lives inside of my own and to connect with them before they were even born. I may sound ungrateful when I complain of my pregnancy woes, but I think I'm entitled to them just as everyone else is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings. I guess I just needed to take that little tangent to explain my position to all those who may feel as if I don't deserve this gift when I'm sure 90% of my pregnancy conversations entail me crying over my depleting body.

It's almost hard for me to believe that it ONLY takes nine/ten months to create a baby, to grow a fully capable human being that will someday be their very own person. Someday soon too, since I've now saw how quickly babies develop their own personalities and 'selves.' Even when I'm so very impatient waiting for the end to come, for my baby girl to finally be ready to meet her family that already loves her so much, it still amazes me to think that it's such a short amount of time till she is a reality. I say reality since pregnancy hasn't felt real to me since losing Riley. It feels more like being suspended in time, but with a slowly growing abdomen and lots of throw up. Olivia didn't feel real to me until I held her in my arms and that will always be one of THE happiest days of my entire life. I really can't wait to feel that way again.

It's a few days late, but here is my thirty week belly photo! I haven't taken consistent belly shots throughout this pregnancy but when I have days like in this picture, where it's finally a noticeable bump, I just can't help it!

Sooo, that is my life today, in somewhat of a nutshell. I hope any pregnant mommas who may be feeling less than "glowy" can revel in the fact that we're not too far away from holding our children, even if you're only just starting your journey. Life happens so fast...and with that, I'm going to quit bitching (for now) and enjoy the rest of my day :)